Wrong Decisions

Breathe in, breathe out, Repeat

The art of making decisions has always been a topic for debate. Who is the right kind of decision maker? We roll our eyes at those who can never make one, judge the ones that make them too quickly, translate spontaneity as irresponsible, but tell the ones who plan too far ahead to just relax. What is the perfect formula for making a decision? The right one at that.

Truth is, there is none and sometimes the freedom for making a decision feels more like a burden. We fought so hard as teenagers for the responsibility to make our own decisions, but now that I am in my early twenties, it feels chaotic not having a four-year plan laid out in front of me. There is beauty in this chaos I know, but I have been struggling to find it.

When I make a decision, I think of everything. Even if my decision may seem spontaneous and of the blue, it has honestly been carefully calculated. I am already trying to find solutions to problems I know I am going to have next year April. This is my problem. This has been my problem for months. It is an easier pill to swallow if I say months, but honestly it has been almost a year. Ever since I graduated, my radar for making any sort of plan or decision has gone out the window. My "transitional year" (also easier, less rude way of calling this year) is almost up and I need to get it together.

My heart, head and bank account go at each other like a bunch of crazy felines as soon as the light bulb goes off about a new plan. My heart follows this hopeful idea that everything will be okay, my head makes sure that it is at least logical and my bank account just says NO. Lately I have been listening to my bank account if that gives you a taste of what it has been like.

Well, it's time to stop. I have lost my confidence to trust a decision. Even if other people don't agree, even if it seems a little illogical at first, I need to trust that I will be okay. I need to trust myself that I can handle whatever the universe throws at me. I need to regain my confidence that I know how to make it work and I have the drive, support, motivation and passion to do so, even if my "adult" sensors to live comfortably keep going off. Be happy or live comfortably. It is a constant battle and rare occasion when both can happen together. I applaud those who find that balance.

Sometimes the decision happens for you (like mine for quitting my 9-5 to pursue a graphic design/photography career - more on this later), but sometimes there is no one holding your hand and opening the right door. You can't calculate the outcome of every decision you make. Eventually any decision you make leads you to where you're suppose to be anyway, right?

Be fearless. The only mistakes we make are the ones we don't learn from.

I guess I should go make my decision now.

Photo was taken in 2011 with my first roll of Holga film.

DISPOSABLE CAMERA FUN

 

There is something about disposable cameras that I can't just get enough of. Maybe it's the mystery, maybe it's the uncertainty. Maybe it's the sound of winding the film or maybe because it reminds me of when I was growing up. How about all of the above?

A few months ago I bought a pack of two disposable cameras for $10! (Walgreen's was having a deal. Woo-hoo!) I developed one camera already after I went to Athens, Georgia with it. Remember this post? Well I finally went to developed the second camera! Twenty-seven exposures of family fun including a trampoline, dogs named Peanut, spring, Raleigh, backyards and smiles.

Don't you just love film?

ATHENS, GA VIA FILM

Dear Athens,

Where did you come from? Where have you been hiding? I didn't know you existed but my goodness, since my first trip in October, you've introduced me to some lovely people and you never cease to host some unforgettable moments. Did you know you're only four hours away from Boone? It was bittersweet leaving you again this weekend. I'm not sure of our next reunion, but just know that everything that happened keeps me smiling at night.

This weekend was filled with late nights, seeing my friend's band Funk You play (everyone needs to check them out...NOW), windows down, running in the rain, rooftop bars, fish tacos, a failed attempt to watch Harry Potter, beautiful mornings, warmth, great company, completely sucking at darts, a very small tour of UGA, Jittery Joe's..twice, porch conversations, new inside jokes, winking, little moments, learning new things, meeting new people, staying out, sleeping in and just overall a new refreshing perspective.

I must say Athens, you threw me off this weekend and yet made everything make sense. I tried to capture some moments with disposable cameras. There's something authentic, wonderful and "road trippy" when using film cameras. Although I may not have much money, or any money at all, I will be investing into film a lot more.

Thank you for a [insert best adjective here] weekend.
I'm still smiling.

I REMEMBER: THE INTIMIDATOR

Taken Summer '10

"I remember" is a photo series I started to look back at old photographs I've taken throughout the years. I've been feeling bittersweet about moving on to the next chapter in my life and I'd like to relive some of my favorite moments. Won't you come along?  

Probably one of my favorite roller coasters thus far - The Intimidator at Kings Dominion. This baby is 305 feet tall with a drop angled at 85 degrees with speeds going 90 mph. Sure, not the number one fastest/tallest roller coaster, but a great one indeed.

I am definitely one of those roller coaster fanatics. I think you're either in love with roller coasters or the sight of them makes you want to run under your covers/pee in your pants. I am definitely not the latter. I love the heart racing, the anticipation, the screaming, the speed, the photos at the end of the ride and the adrenaline. Of course I act like a big baby during the long lines before the ride, but deep down I just freaking love them.

I brought a disposable camera to the theme park and snapped this puppy before embarking on it (three times). This photo and memory means the absolute world to me. A lot of things have changed since then, but I remember this day and I hope everyone that was there does too.

How do you feel about roller coasters? Have a favorite one? 

A little black & white film

Two years ago, I was able to take a Black and White Film class offered at Appalachian. It truly was one of the most creatively inspiring and challenging courses I ever took. I say challenging because the dark room aren't no walk in the park! I was feeling nostalgic about using my manual camera and dug some of these photos up from my old class binder.

I'm on a mission to find the photos that I used for critiques. These photos were either not turned in, or developed just for the sake of developing :]

I hope you enjoy a little of my adventures with my '76 SLR Nikon and the photos I had the lovely opportunity of developing in a dark room. I miss you dark room.

Photo details

[1] My camera and I on a little adventure down 105 [2] Appalachian Library [3] My beautiful friend Olivia who I used to swap clothes with [4] My inspiring father and loving younger sister [5] My old roommate and wonderful model back in the day when I took more photos [6] Isn't she beautiful? [7] Right outside that little park [8] Hannah being the cute model that she is [9] My ever inspiring friend, Rene [10] My first love, Zoey.

I'm escaping down to Georgia this weekend to take a break from finals. Good luck everyone!