Mar 28, 2013

Wrong Decisions

Breathe in, breathe out, Repeat

The art of making decisions has always been a topic for debate. Who is the right kind of decision maker? We roll our eyes at those who can never make one, judge the ones that make them too quickly, translate spontaneity as irresponsible, but tell the ones who plan too far ahead to just relax. What is the perfect formula for making a decision? The right one at that.

Truth is, there is none and sometimes the freedom for making a decision feels more like a burden. We fought so hard as teenagers for the responsibility to make our own decisions, but now that I am in my early twenties, it feels chaotic not having a four-year plan laid out in front of me. There is beauty in this chaos I know, but I have been struggling to find it.

When I make a decision, I think of everything. Even if my decision may seem spontaneous and of the blue, it has honestly been carefully calculated. I am already trying to find solutions to problems I know I am going to have next year April. This is my problem. This has been my problem for months. It is an easier pill to swallow if I say months, but honestly it has been almost a year. Ever since I graduated, my radar for making any sort of plan or decision has gone out the window. My "transitional year" (also easier, less rude way of calling this year) is almost up and I need to get it together.

My heart, head and bank account go at each other like a bunch of crazy felines as soon as the light bulb goes off about a new plan. My heart follows this hopeful idea that everything will be okay, my head makes sure that it is at least logical and my bank account just says NO. Lately I have been listening to my bank account if that gives you a taste of what it has been like.

Well, it's time to stop. I have lost my confidence to trust a decision. Even if other people don't agree, even if it seems a little illogical at first, I need to trust that I will be okay. I need to trust myself that I can handle whatever the universe throws at me. I need to regain my confidence that I know how to make it work and I have the drive, support, motivation and passion to do so, even if my "adult" sensors to live comfortably keep going off. Be happy or live comfortably. It is a constant battle and rare occasion when both can happen together. I applaud those who find that balance.

Sometimes the decision happens for you (like mine for quitting my 9-5 to pursue a graphic design/photography career - more on this later), but sometimes there is no one holding your hand and opening the right door. You can't calculate the outcome of every decision you make. Eventually any decision you make leads you to where you're suppose to be anyway, right?

Be fearless. The only mistakes we make are the ones we don't learn from.
I guess I should go make my decision now.

Photo was taken in 2011 with my first roll of Holga film.

10 comments:

  1. Ahhhh this is so great. I think it's something everyone in the world of artistic careers goes through - deciding whether or not it's worth the risk to jump in and hope for the best! I mean... work our asses off for the best. ha. I really really wish you the very best, you have an incredible design sensibility and an eye for subtlety. I'm sure you're going to rock it <3

    ps. I started writing you a letter in January. And I dated it. Then I felt silly sending it way later. But we should actually pen pal it up ;)


    xo
    http://kittysnooks.blogspot.ca/

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    1. Aw Katia you are seriously the sweetest and I appreciate all the support you have given me throughout our friendship :) Sometimes it is just best to jump! My problem is picking WHERE to jump, you know?

      I am going to write you a letter within the next week or two :) :) :) We seriously need to keep up our pen pal ways!

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  2. Yes. What a perfect way to sum it all up! I feel you, darlin', but maybe a ladies trip to Richmond will bring some answers? Eep! If nothing else, it will be a good adventure!!!
    I know that there are so many good decisions out there to be made and I know you will choose a winner!

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    1. Yes! I need some answers. I just need something. I just need you ;) Miss you so much and can't wait for our weekend!

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  3. This is EVERYTHING I'm feeling...graduated last June. Doing the 9 to 5 right now and it's not in my field (writing, ugh why do I have to make it so hard?) and half of this year has spent sort of just sulking, not knowing what to do, and meticulously planning everything, even though I never come to any conclusions! At least we can take comfort in knowing that other people are feeling our pain a bit too, here's to hoping we figure it out soon!

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    1. I guess we are officially on the sameeeeeeeee boat! I just recently quit my 9-5 job pursuing what I really love and it is the scariest thing I can possibly think of. I am always second guessing my decisions but I just need to trust the universe and myself!

      I wish you the best of luck with everything you are doing. I hope we both figure it out and have our dreams and finances finally align! Thanks so much for stopping by the blog xo.

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  4. You go girl! Sounds like there are big things in store for you :) I soooo feel the same; I'm constantly wrestling with myself to make decisions--I worry too much. You're right, it's much more important to be happy and do what makes you happy, than to live comfortably in an unhappy 9-5. Taking chances is hard but so worth it :) Good luck!

    grace & love,
    kristyn

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    1. Thank you so much Kristyn!

      Being worry worms have its pros/cons.. but definitely feeling the cons lately! I just know to continue to love what I do and do what I love and the rest should come along, right? :) Thanks so much for your words!

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  5. Beautifully written as usual, Melissa. And like other commenters, I feel exactly the same! I feel like I'm constantly fretting about decisions I have to make but not actually MAKING the actually decisions.
    It's such a wonderful thing to do to quit your 9 - 5 and pursue your passion. As they say...do what you love, love what you do!
    Congrats,
    Isabella xo
    http://sincerelyisabella.blogspot.com.au/

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    1. Thank you Isabella! You have been such a great support and I appreciate all your kind words and support since we started becoming blogging friends. It seems like all of us are in the same boat about decisions but life works out surprisingly as long as we just MAKE a motion!

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